Grounded in Christ

An Analysis of Decision Making, Serenity, & Holiness for Men

Take your standard from him, from his endurance, from the enmity the wicked bore him, and you will not grow faint, you will not find your souls unmanned. (Hebrews 12:3, Knox Version)

Table of Contents

1. Awkwardness & Anxiety
2. Silence & Asceticism
3. Ownership and Stability of One’s Own Decisions
4. Divine Intimacy & Simplicity of Heart
5. Submission to the Lord’s Will & the Importance of Resoluteness

Preface

The following chapters present an analysis of decision making and how to live as we ought in all serenity. The approach is top down, first looking at the symptoms of a unvirtuous life which are awkwardness and anxiety. Then we will dive into what prevents us from acting how we ought, that is, living a virtuous life. Finally, we will address the importance of virtue (beyond simply eliminating awkwardness and anxiety) and the grounding of all decision making which is Christ.

Chapter 1: Awkwardness & Anxiety

At their roots, awkwardness and anxiety are the feelings that arise from the conscious or unconscious awareness that we have acted or are acting in a way that is in some way wrong coupled with the fear we will not act rightly going forward. The fear may stem from a lack of knowledge, making us feel we cannot act rightly going forward simply because we do not know what “right” is in a particular circumstance. The fear also may stem from the fact that what is right may be difficult, involve suffering, and/or is more than we can handle. Often a feeling of awkwardness arises when we are with one or more people. We desire that others will be content, but we worry that they are not and that their discontentment is a result of how we did act or are acting, and we do not know how to make the others feel content. In short, the fundamental variables that can lead to awkwardness and anxiety are:

1. Lack of knowledge of what is the right thing to do
2. Inability to do the right thing

We can further simplify this if we consider we have certain responsibilities to fulfill in any particular circumstance and what the right thing to do is simply to fulfill those responsibilities. This comes with the caveat that once we have fulfilled our minimum responsibilities, God calls us to charity, to continue to sacrifice ourselves for others. For the purpose of this essay, I will use the word “responsibilities” to refer to the collective of our minimum responsibilities together with the acts of charity we are called to do that go above and beyond our minimum responsibilities. In shorter then, the fundamental variables that can lead to awkwardness and anxiety are:

1. Lack of knowledge of what our responsibilities are
2. Inability to fulfill our responsibilities

Regarding #1, how are we supposed to know what are responsibilities are? If we do not know currently, then educating ourselves about virtue, what we owe to God and others, etc. is a great start. In addition to book learning, we must also have trusted friends who will keep us accountable, and point out if we go off the narrow path. Finally and most importantly, we must also have a relationship with God that makes us sensitive to the Holy Spirit to help us know our particular responsibilities (more on this in chapter 4.) Regarding #2, if we lack the ability to fulfill our responsibilities, assuming we are sure that these are our responsibilities, then we must gain such abilities through prayer and penance. This is what the next chapter will deal with.

Chapter 2: Silence & Asceticism

“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” ― Blaise Pascal, Pensées

This quote illuminates more than just the power of silence, but also the truth about so many men’s interiors. The inability of a man to sit quietly in a room alone stems from the constant moving of his heart. If his heart, what he desires, is in constant motion, then how can his will choose what is good? We have a duty to fulfill our responsibilities, but so many men fail to because their ever changing desires compel them to compulsion rather than deliberate action with the real good in mind. If a man is acting compulsively and has at least a small amount of self-awareness, he will feel awkward and anxious often, since he is not doing what is right often and often is unable to do so. His knowledge of what is right is often blurred by his passions, and his ability to do what is right is hampered by his lack of control over his passions. Penance, asceticism, chastisement, while they can have different meanings, all have an effect of controlling one’s passions. If we deny our passions over and over, then we begin to have control over them instead of them controlling us. Examples of ascetic activities include: cold showers, eliminating forms of technology and social media, and fasting. Whichever one of these suggestions we immediately find most horrible we should first implement. Our gut reaction will likely be from our passions, and therefore, choosing the one our passions have the most negative reaction to will be most effective at controlling our passions.

Many men struggle with controlling their passions in serious ways such as practicing unchastity and/or substance abuse. Asceticism may be an aid in these areas, but professional help and support groups are often necessary to combat serious vices like these.

As we begin to control our passions, we will find our internal state to be more and more quiet. Our ability to sit in a room silently will increase. We will grow in our ability to connect with God in prayer and the sacraments, which should be the foundation of a man’s life. Centering our life on God will also keep us in tune with the movements of the Holy Spirit in our life, and therefore, give us knowledge of our particular responsibilities we must execute. More on this in chapter 4.

Chapter 3: Ownership and Stability of One’s Own Decisions

If we know our responsibilities and have the ability to act on them, then we should act on them. If we act on them, we should be unashamed of our actions. We can take ownership of our actions regardless of what others think of us. Awkwardness and/or anxiety would result if we decided upon a course of action, but upon seeing a negative response from others, we retreated to a different form of action. But our responsibilities hardly ever involve pleasing others. Therefore, our actions hardly ever should be based on how to please others. They should always be based on what responsibilities we have. If we are fulfilling our responsibilities, we have not only the permission but duty to have confidence and serenity in our actions, without wavering based on the reaction of others or even our own inklings of unnecessary self-doubt. If however, we do, before, during, or after an action recognize some misalignment with our responsibilities, then we must stop and make right what we have wronged. The making right what we have wronged is now simply another of our responsibilities, which we must execute with utter confidence without wavering or concern of others’ reactions. If executed perfectly, this will result in a complete lack of awkwardness and anxiety. This perfection in action should be our goal, whether or not we achieve this perfection in this life. We will not be striving for perfection on our own, for we can do nothing without Christ. “I am the vine: you the branches: he that abideth in me, and I in him, the same beareth much fruit: for without me you can do nothing” (John 15:5, Douay Rheims). More on this in the next chapter.

Chapter 4: Divine Intimacy & Simplicity of Heart

The need for intimacy with God cannot be overstressed. If a man implements everything written so far except does not have Christ at the center of his heart, with the Holy Spirit moving his every thought and action, he will be but a shell of a man. Only Christ can ultimately calm the storm in our hearts, leaving us a clear path to execute. Consider the following passage from the Gospel of Matthew. Imagine the wind and waves as your desires and the boat as your heart. As soon as Christ takes rest in your heart, your desires calm and all that matters is that He is the Son of God.

Matthew 14:22–33 (Douay-Rheims)

22 And forthwith Jesus obliged his disciples to go up into the boat, and to go before him over the water, till he dismissed the people.

23 And having dismissed the multitude, he went into a mountain alone to pray. And when it was evening, he was there alone.

24 But the boat in the midst of the sea was tossed with the waves: for the wind was contrary.

25 And in the fourth watch of the night, he came to them walking upon the sea.

26 And they seeing him walk upon the sea, were troubled, saying: It is an apparition. And they cried out for fear.

27 And immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying: Be of good heart: it is I, fear ye not.

28 And Peter making answer, said: Lord, if it be thou, bid me come to thee upon the waters.

29 And he said: Come. And Peter going down out of the boat, walked upon the water to come to Jesus.

30 But seeing the wind strong, he was afraid: and when he began to sink, he cried out, saying: Lord, save me.

31 And immediately Jesus stretching forth his hand took hold of him, and said to him: O thou of little faith, why didst thou doubt?

32 And when they were come up into the boat, the wind ceased.

33 And they that were in the boat came and adored him, saying: Indeed thou art the Son of God.

Consider also this passage from the Gospel of Luke.

Luke 10:38–42 (Douay-Rheims)

38 Now it came to pass as they went, that he entered into a certain town: and a certain woman named Martha, received him into her house.

39 And she had a sister called Mary, who sitting also at the Lord’s feet, heard his word.

40 But Martha was busy about much serving. Who stood and said: Lord, hast thou no care that my sister hath left me alone to serve? speak to her therefore, that she help me.

41 And the Lord answering, said to her: Martha, Martha, thou art careful, and art troubled about many things:

42 But one thing is necessary. Mary hath chosen the best part, which shall not be taken away from her.

You may have many desires, you may be troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary: to listen to Jesus. What simplicity of heart this is. As St. Paul writes in Colossians 3:22, “Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not serving to the eye, as pleasing men, but in simplicity of heart, fearing God” (Douay Rheims). The fear or awe of God should make us so attracted to Him that we empty our hearts of all worldly attachments and desires to fill it with God, therefore, leaving our hearts simple, for we desire only one thing, to please God. A man with such intimacy with God can sense the presence of the Holy Spirit and, therefore, knows what things will lead to God’s glory. With care of only this one thing, this man has a perpetual serenity regardless of the circumstances around him.

We are called to make a promise of complete conformity to God’s will, and ultimately, this promise lived out is the only thing that will bring us true serenity. This promise of complete conformity to God’s will is the promise we renew during every reception of the Eucharist. Jesus gives us his entire self and we reciprocate with the same gift. We should say when we receive Christ in the Eucharist: Everything I have, everything I long to be is yours, Lord. Through this promise and consumption of his Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity, we reunite with Christ in a physical and spiritual way, reaffirming our union with Him in one body that is the Church. If truly lived out, divine intimacy leads to simplicity of heart, which calms the storms in our hearts, leading to serenity and well-ordered decision making.

Chapter 5: Submission to the Lord’s Will & the Importance of Resoluteness

Ephesians 5:22–33 (Douay-Rheims)

22 Let women be subject to their husbands, as to the Lord:

23 Because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. He is the saviour of his body.

24 Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so also let the wives be to their husbands in all things.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the church, and delivered himself up for it:

26 That he might sanctify it, cleansing it by the laver of water in the word of life:

27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy, and without blemish.

28 So also ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife, loveth himself.

29 For no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, as also Christ doth the church:

30 Because we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall be two in one flesh.

32 This is a great sacrament; but I speak in Christ and in the church.

33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular love his wife as himself: and let the wife fear her husband.

This passage from Ephesians is one of the most controversial passages in the New Testament. We must not flee from controversy. Controversy often is a sign of importance. This passage is imperative to understand if we are to grasp why untreated awkwardness and anxiety in men are so detrimental to them and to those in their lives.

Part of who a man is is a leader. This is neither a contingent cultural truth nor a generality. It is of the nature of a man to lead. As the above passage states, “the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church.” A man is designed to take on the responsibility of leading his wife (or those who are entrusted to him,) in such a way that the will of his wife conforms to his will. Therefore, his will must be resolute and conformed to the Divine Will. He must be cleansed of ignorance and weakness, or lack of knowledge of his responsibilities and inability to fulfill them.

A man is simultaneously a leader and a follower. In the sight of God, he must ultimately crucify the part of his nature that is most dear to him, his leadership and power, and hand this over to God to follow Him. A man can do nothing without God. A man’s most prized possession, his power, can bear no fruit unless surrendered to God’s will. For this reason, a man must have a constant connection with God through an active prayer life and frequent reception of the sacraments. Divine intimacy coupled with a well-formed conscience are necessary to discern God’s will. In submitting to God’s will, a man sacrifices himself for his wife and his children, all for the glory of God. In conforming to her husband’s will, a wife is trusting she is conforming to God’s will. Under her husband’s leadership, which the husband ultimately sacrifices for God’s leadership, a wife trusts her husband to lead her family to God. This is what is at stake. If we men are insecure, awkward, weak, we cannot lead our family or those entrusted to us to God.

May this be the last day we are not resolute in our actions, are afraid of how others view us, and choose comforts over duty. From now on, we must educate ourselves and pray to know our duties, chastise ourselves to control our passions, and confidently unite intimately with God to have Him lead our families through us. Our loved ones’ eternal salvations are at stake.